Deep down inside most of us have a pretty good idea of what we like and what we don't like. Maybe it's a little teasing before the action starts or perhaps introducing some sexy lingerie into the picture. Whatever it is, the vision in your head is likely quite clear, but like many of us, you just might have a difficult time sharing those dreams with others. Shy, embarrassed, trouble finding the right words... whatever it is, you are not alone!
Let's walk through this journey together and find out what's going on in your noggin' and a few simple ways to make it easier for you to express your deepest desires.
Why Talking About What You Like Feels So Hard
If you have a tough time talking about yourself and your desires, you are not alone. Many have this exact same trouble. It could be from lack of practice, fear of rejection or even being shamed over our deep wants. It could even be that you are shy because your partner also feels shy! Keep in mind that just because they are quiet does not mean they are not interested, they may just be as shy and uncertain as you. Ever think about that?
You Don’t Have to Say Everything at Once
Just like climbing into a cold bath, take it slow! We can't all be wordsmiths overnight, nor do we need to be. Slowly increase the amount of words you say, the desires of your shares and the intensity of your tone. Over time you will become more comfortable with your own voice, your own thoughts and sharing with your partner your deepest and darkest secrets. Both you and they will thank you for it.
Use Curiosity Instead of Pressure
The key to building this new skill is to keep it easy. To keep it simple! Eliminate the pressure that might be building up inside you from this new uncomfortable zone. Let's try reframing. This means instead of you "liking" something, you change your mindset to thinking of being "curious" about it. This eliminates the commitment and the fear that may come with that commitment. You don't have to say that you like it just yet, say that your curious about it. Curious about that new outfit. Curious about that new position. Curious about that new toy.
Pick the Right Moment (and the Right Energy)
And when you feel you are ready to let out these new feelings and desires, remember to make it easy on yourself. Like a slugger at the plate, they don't swing their bat wildly hoping to get a hit. No, they wait for the perfect time and perfect situation. This does not mean you should create new stress around "perfect," it simply means look for the right time. Maybe the drive through at a fast food joint is not the right time, but maybe after a nice dinner together is. Energy is important as well. You had a long day? Your partner had a long day? Maybe wait for a day where you are both happy, happy with each other, and ready for a new adventure.
Confidence Grows When You Feel Understood
We all feel better when we feel understood. And not only do we feel better, but we begin feeling confident. Particularly confident that we know our partner is listening to us and how we feel. In uncomfortable conversations it may push you back under your rock, but instead keep in mind that your partner is probably not gaining confidence from your silence. They want to hear from you, too. Notice their reactions and reciprocate. Tell them how you feel. Maybe touch their arm. These are all ways to help each other feel more understood and build that confidence so you can share deeper desires.
Your Preferences Deserve a Voice
We all have secrets and deep desires. And it can be scary sometimes sharing those desires with our partner. Remember to take it easy on yourself and slowly build the confidence you need to start sharing more. Start small, little things. Become closer and encourage your partner to do the same. Together you can become confident in one another and help each other live out your deepest desires.
For ideas for new deep desires, check out the 140,000 porn video archive at Bang! No matter what you are into, you will no doubt find something that piques your interest as well as your partner. Go ahead and give it a try.